You do not need build up your confidence

To have confidence is a good feeling. To be confident you may need go through a tough journey and do some hard-work.

When I was recruited as an executive to a company I knew little, I took the chance. I remember that I was commented as an fit leader because I came from a different industry and I was not an expert for the industrial content matter not very long into my role.

I sure felt like my stomach punched at that time. I feel I had the moment of the emperor from the Emperor’s New Cloth. I was naked, totally exposed and vulnerable.

However, I also felt the relieve that I do not to pretend I knew everything. I can felt that my ego was run away hiding some where.

So I openly acknowledged that and asked their help to build a stronger company together. It took a while to build trust and bonding with my former colleagues. But the experience has strengthened my confidence through vulnerability.

To build up your confidence is actually a wrong statement.

Everyone has the confidence.

What keeps us from doing the things we want to do, we get to do, we love to do is our willingness to put us out there, to experience our vulnerable moments, to be human.

As human, we all make mistakes, do silly things from time to time. It is our sympathy towards to ourself set us free. We give ourself second, third, fourth… chance to do things right. We learn from our experience. This is how confidence is progressing.

Confidence is a journey you take.

Confidence is a choice you make.

You have confidence in you when you were born. It waits there for you to discover it and re-discover it all the time. Confidence is your life long companion.

set yourself free

When people say you are not qualified doing what you are doing, which is what you love to do, what would be you reaction?

Do you wonder if you have done things right? Do you doubt about what you do?

I had those moments of doubting and worrying. It felt awful. I felt not myself. I could not direct me to focus on other more important things for a while.

Then,

Some one said to me: “your life’s quality is decided by your courage, not by your fear.” We only have one life, live it without regret, live it fully.

I took one step to live for myself by redirecting to the question to myself: is this what I want?

By asking this question, I can feel my body’s reaction. If it feels free, feels specious, feels growing, then I will go for it. And it sets me free, I am a happy person.

Believe in yourself.

Set yourself free.

Live your happy life.

Sing a song

You sing songs.

Songs have high, low, plat notes, and pauses. The combinations of these elements make a song so beautiful, so touching, so memorable…

our life just like a song.

Success, failure, struggles in between, happiness, sadness, boring… all of these are notes in your music.

Even when we feel our life is on hold, it is just like a pause in a song.

They all will come and pass.

And the combination of all of the moments in your life creates the songs in your life. It is your choice how to make each song in your life. It is your decision how to sing each song.

Ups and downs

We have ups and downs in life. This is normal. And these ups and downs are temporary.

Even though when we are at the down turn, it feels painful, like forever, and this all will pass.

It is key for us to keep leveled during these turns and waves. We need to live our life. If we look forward down the road in five, ten years of time, we know the down turns should be all passed and over by then.

The difficulty is to keep looking forward without being buried in the setbacks. To keep a promising mind, a positive altitude, and curiosity towards to life,

Difficulties, setbacks and shall be passed. They are temporary.

A success is temporary, just like failure.

Our life is forever, as long as we live.

Enjoy both ups and downs.

Your best friend

Who was your best friend?

Who is your best friend?

You.

Period. For both questions.

We very often are very critical to ourselves. We are our own the worst enemy.

We talk to ourselves by telling us that we are not good enough, we do wrong things, we are not good looking…

Those small self talks make us small, drag us down, negate our energy.

It is critical for you to catch those negative self talk moments. And turn the thinking around by asking am I judging myself unfairly? Am I comparing my down moments with someone’s strength?

Do I live for my values or live according to other’s view?

Do I make myself a better me than yesterday? Yes, you are right! This is the only question you should ask yourself daily.

Treat yourself as your best friend: talk to her daily by reflection, affirmation and visualization.

Do the job

My parents got a nanny through an agency one month ago. Her job is to cook meals, do cleaning and some daily chores.

My mom has been teaching her where things about, how things work in the house, and even how to cook meals.

One month has passed. The nanny went away for a few days for holidays.

My mom told me today earlier she needs a new nanny.

Because this nanny does not pay attention to what my mom tells her. She could not remember how to cook the same meal after my mom taught her and did with her three times.

It does not matter what job you do, a nanny, a nurse, or a CEO, you need do your job.

Do the job. Do it well.

Otherwise, you do not serve the value the job calls for. And you are not deserved the job title.

We deliver and give, in order to receive. This is how the reciprocity works.

The resistance for taking off

Planes always take off against the wind. It is the resistance that planes need for taking off from the ground and climb into the sky.

If you want to make a change, want to do something different, want to learn a new skill, you need to go against the resistance – lazy, pain, self doubt, uncomfortableness, vulnerability.

Only when you head on with your resistance, you will make progress, gain new experience, know how far you can fly.

Resistance is an indicator that you are on the right track to develop yourself further. Know your resistance, go against it to take off.

Test of being on hold…

Doctors told us that my dad’s surgery were Wednesday afternoon.

My dad was prepared for the surgery by nurses. He also prepared himself ready for Wednesday afternoon. So all of us, the family members, were also here for his operation.

We thought 2pm was the reasonable time for my dad to be called for the surgery. Because we learned it would last for two to three hours, 2pm seemed a proper assumption.

2pm arrived, and past.

4pm came, and past…

My dad became anxious. We became a little bit worried about him. We were told the operation would be still on.

6pm came, and past.

8pm came, and past…

My dad was called in just after 9pm…

It was a test for everyone when my dad’s operation was on hold for nine hours. It tested our patience, it tested our will, it tested our agility and sympathy.

There are many cases in life putting us on hold. Each case is a test and an opportunity for us to know ourselves, to learn more from the experience, to break free from the boundaries we often set up for ourselves.

Why I feel like an imposter?

I feel that I am plagued by feeling like an imposter very often.

I feel that I am out of place, I am not good enough, I did not do enough…

I feel so bad about myself that when people tell me that how wonderful, how incredible, how good I am, I do not believe any of these. I thought they are trying to make happier.

Then, I hear again, again, and agin compliments from others.

“May be I am good for what they tell me?” One day I talk to myself. “May be I am truly not that inadequate after all?”

Then more, I caught my self talks – “the out of place”, “not good enough”, and “did not do enough” are all what I feel from others. Where is ME in this self criticizing dialogues?

Obviously I was living for others, not for myself during those moments.

When I started to live for myself, I felt the serenity and the imposter was hiding some where.

Start to live for my true self is the way for me to put my imposter in check.

That is it.

Raw and vulnerable

When a colleague challenged me after I made a statement, I felt uncertain, a little bit panic… also I felt left shoulder and back heavy and aching. I could not focus on doing anything else for hours.

One day, another colleague reporting to me sent an email to me and many others. I felt my heart beat faster, somewhat panic… then shoulder and back aching. It took me a while to figure out why he sent such an email without talking or informing me first.

Then something similar happened and I noticed my immediate heaviness on my shoulder and back.

What is going on with me?

Why I was so uncertain and uneasy?

Am I intimidated by the challenge to my authority and expertise?

That is right.

I could not face my lacking knowledge, because my personal identity is smart and knowledgeable.

I could not embrace others to challenge my opinion, what if I was wrong? I considered myself is an expert somewhat in the area. I did not want to loose face.

I have severe imposter syndrome!

Therefore, I suffer from the syndrome. My shoulder and back pain have lasted for nine months.

One day, I decided to make a change.

I take three small steps a day: one is to listen to different opinions without rejections, especially those ones do not agree with mine; second I admit my ignorance once a day if new thing shows up; the last one is to keep my focus on the most important items of the day and let others go.

I was sweating, red faced when I started the baby steps first day. No one seemed noticed. I was relived.

I repeated this, again, again…

One day, I realize that I can do this naturally.

My raw vulnerability keeps me going through tough times. I become more courageous. I gain more connections, more trust.

Do I still have imposter syndrome? Of course. The good thing is that I can recognize it now. I am battling with it, it may be a long way before I can say my final goodbyes. However, it’s a road worth of taking.

To become raw and vulnerable is hard, a torture. It also let me reborn and courageous.