Raw and vulnerable

When a colleague challenged me after I made a statement, I felt uncertain, a little bit panic… also I felt left shoulder and back heavy and aching. I could not focus on doing anything else for hours.

One day, another colleague reporting to me sent an email to me and many others. I felt my heart beat faster, somewhat panic… then shoulder and back aching. It took me a while to figure out why he sent such an email without talking or informing me first.

Then something similar happened and I noticed my immediate heaviness on my shoulder and back.

What is going on with me?

Why I was so uncertain and uneasy?

Am I intimidated by the challenge to my authority and expertise?

That is right.

I could not face my lacking knowledge, because my personal identity is smart and knowledgeable.

I could not embrace others to challenge my opinion, what if I was wrong? I considered myself is an expert somewhat in the area. I did not want to loose face.

I have severe imposter syndrome!

Therefore, I suffer from the syndrome. My shoulder and back pain have lasted for nine months.

One day, I decided to make a change.

I take three small steps a day: one is to listen to different opinions without rejections, especially those ones do not agree with mine; second I admit my ignorance once a day if new thing shows up; the last one is to keep my focus on the most important items of the day and let others go.

I was sweating, red faced when I started the baby steps first day. No one seemed noticed. I was relived.

I repeated this, again, again…

One day, I realize that I can do this naturally.

My raw vulnerability keeps me going through tough times. I become more courageous. I gain more connections, more trust.

Do I still have imposter syndrome? Of course. The good thing is that I can recognize it now. I am battling with it, it may be a long way before I can say my final goodbyes. However, it’s a road worth of taking.

To become raw and vulnerable is hard, a torture. It also let me reborn and courageous.

Growing is painful

The best memory very often is the one we had setback, difficulty, failure, or hurt.

And it is also during these periods that we grow in a hurry – when you look back in a ten years of time.

I invited an old friend to give a presentation about his research to my teams. He not only gave us his research, but also his philosophy on how to live your best life.

He said that money is not the most important thing in one’s life. It’s the freedom to do what you love to do and a good health you have. He got this conclusion after his ten years of struggle and learning.

We sometimes go a long way to move forward for a short distance. However, that the price we need to pay. That is the pain we need to experience.

Growing is painful, yet it is a journey no one can replace for you. And the reward is huge.

Recovery of your elasticity

The shelf life of an elastic band can be extended if you let it bounced back to its original shape, and relaxed.

If you want to make your career sustainable, you need make time for self recovery. Such as, take a vocation, a nap, a walk, or watch a movie, read a book… whatever that suits your style.

Only when you intentionally make self balance a priority, you can recover your elasticity quicker, you will have more moments of happiness, you will be more energetic.

Be aware of the time for self recovery. The last resort is that you have to rest because of illness.

Find the best way for your recovery early is a skill. You can get skillful quickly be practicing it.

Recovery of your elasticity, recovery of your longevity of happiness.

The other one

She could not move her eyes off the nearby colleagues in the office, especially the one sitting right across a walkway from her, lady D.

She determined that lady D was her biggest competition. Because of lady D, she did not get promoted, and did not get the big bonus she thought she could get.

She got upset when their boss gave a new project to lady D, not to her. She felt her whole day got ruined because of lady D could argue with their boss and dared say No to certain assignments.

“How dare she? I even can’t beg for an assignment.” She thought.

She could not stand the way lady D talked to their boss. She recorded the time lady D came to the office secretly and got mad when lady D left early and came late.

She thought this is unfair.

One day, lady D left the office for good. She moved to another city with her husband.

Suddenly, she felt empty and hungry, something was missing.

After a while, she realized there were holes in her life.

“Who am I? What do I want? What makes me happy?”

She began her soul searching and self-discovery journey.

After two years of coaching, learning, self reflection, She has realized that her competition in life is not the other one, not lady D.

Her competition is herself.

Her biggest competition is herself.

Her future competition is herself as well.

Integrity and character

This boy was smart.

He was more clever than the kids in his village, as all the old villagers said. He believed that too and was proud of himself for that.

He got bored from time to time, as there was not much to play in the village.

One day, he shouted that a wolf came to the village. All villagers came out to kill the wolf. But there was no wolf.

He liked the attention he got from this fun play.

He played this game again one day. Villagers came out to kill the wolf. There was no wolf. So they went home.

The boy was played outside of his yard one late evening. He saw a wolf walked towards him. He shorted, cried for help.

But no villagers came.

You can fool people once, twice, but not three times.

Erne a trust takes a while. Destroy a trust takes one second. Maintain a trust needs life time practice.

Integrity and character are not associated with one’s smartness and success. However, without integrity and character it negates everything.

A shortcut

The sales guy approached the financial controller to sign off the balance sheet, so that he can take out a product pulled out of market for free to a customer.

He wants to do it this way by not telling his marketing manager, not obeying the rules of the wearhouse bookkeeping. In a word, he wants get it done under the radar of his boss and the company’s policy, send the product to the customer quickly, hassle free.

He thinks if he tells his boss, it will cost his emotional labor to explain, to justify, to persuade, to make change of the system… too much work!

Therefore, he chooses a shortcut, for sake of the company’s development – to keep a customer happy.

However, he did not think the potential cost to the company. What if the customer tells others about how he got the product? What if the product pulled off the market for a reason that it could be potentially not good to consumers? What might be the cost to the company’s reputation if the product has defect?

A shortcut is costly.

You can take a shortcut on the basis that you have the intelligence and wisdom and good estimation.

Taking a shortcut is based on high investment.

When you grow up…

What do you want to become when you group up?

You must have figured this out when you were a kid…

Are you who you wanted to be? If, it’s a Yes, how did you get here? If it’s a No, how did you get here?

I wanted to be a weather woman when I grow up – but, I become an engineer, a researcher, a manager, trainer, coach… a life- long learner.

My motivation to become a weather woman is to have freedom, explore many places, being curious. And this motivation has driving me to learn different fields, to be curious about people’s potentials, to be permanent learner.

When you lead a change…

As a leader, you want to make a difference, you want to make a change.

A change you want to make starts within yourself. Only when you up to the change, you can make changes around you.

The author for the best book seller – The leadership gap, Lolly Daskal said, “Great leaders change the world around them. But I promise you, they start by changing what is within.”

You want to make a change, become the change you want make first.

You will need to know yourself, who you are, your strength, your inspirations, your gaps to get where you want to be…

It is not easy to be on top of everything you do. As a matter of fact, it is impossible to be on top of everything you.

To be on top of a wave or with a wave, you will need to be open minded.

We are all changing every moment biologically – old cells in our body dying, and new cells at the same time growing. Our muscle cells grow in different speed from our skin cells, our hair cells, etc. In a similar way, for each change in our life it needs different time to take place. We get to be open to learn, to observe, to adapt and grow with each change.

When we stop learning, we stop leading.

When we can lead ourself, we can lead others.

A leader

You are a leader. I am a leader. We are all leaders one way or another.

A leader is someone brave, ploughing ahead with sweats and blood facing challenges.

A leader is someone tough, stoic and resilient, gets up and keeps going after falling down and failures.

A leader is someone vulnerable, not hiding her struggles and hurts.

A leader is someone sympathetic, opening her hands and hearts to accept others.

A leader is someone listening and watching others quietly, being there for them when need.

A leader is not someone who creates followers. A leader is someone who creates more leaders.

Leading is an act of generosity.

Leading is an act of kind.

Leading is an act for personal mastery.

The price for success

We want to do better, to be better, want to be successful.

We make goals, plans, draw our road maps, and figure out our passions.

But,

Do you really set our mind for success?

If you do, have started your step one? Step two? Step three? … how long do you prepare to go to be successful?

Deciding and wanting is the key option for you to be really successful or not.

If you decide to be successful, then you get to decide to do whatever it takes to get there.

Someone said: “If you want success, figure out the price, then pay it.”

If you want be successfully losing 20 pounds, figure out how much sweats you need, then do it.

If you want to run your own business, figure out what skills you need and hard work you get to do, then learn and do these.

If you want to have your boss’ position, figure out what skills you need to replace her, then learn and practice them.

There is no shortcut, but real work.