Getting self help book is to get your prescription

If you go to see your doctor, she gives you a prescription after. Will you go to drug store to get your medicine?

“Why not?” You May ask.

Exactly. You will.

But, think for a moment: did you read all the self help books you bought in the past? How many you actually read well?

I remember even last November when I clean my book shelf, I found a few books I haven’t started reading yet…

What is going on here?

For me, the time I search books and buy books is the most exciting time. Because I have the urge to learn something from reading these books and with underlined statement that I will gain skills and knowledge from the reading – to become a better self somewhat.

When books arrive to me, I feel that I have completed some of my mission – it feels that I already “there” (read the books). And my enthusiasm for gaining the information has diminishing a little bit.

I knew I need some help in contain areas, but I did not want to do the hard work to read the books.

The hard work is to take action.

The hard work is to do the work.

If we just buy the books and don’t read them, we are hiding. We using owning books as excuses for not doing the real work.

Getting the self help book and read them.

Do the real work.

Take your medicine.

You will become a better a little bit after reading each book. Your aggregated progress by reading one book at a time gets you a little bit better every time, and a better self.

Use your “placebo” to show your confidence

I found that if I jotted down a few lines I need to say for a meeting beforehand, these lines serve me very well.

I could forget some details. But these lines are my lighthouse directing me to navigate during the meeting. I could regain my confidence with those lines. They also serve me as my placebo and back born for my confidence during those occasions.

Similarly, I can give myself some prep-talk when I am not sure what I can do and how do I act during other occasions. This kind of talk backs me up, serve me as my placebo many times over.

You can be as good as your placebo.

Dr. Joe Dispenza said, “You are the placebo: mind matters”. He has documented many cases for patients who believe placebo effect have reversed their illness and sickness.

We can psychic our mind and prepare our mentality, for good or for bad.

With all the placebo effect, why not you choose the one good for you?

Because when we lack confidence, we are suffering. We are stressed. We do silly things and regret. We make our family and friends worried as well.

We get to set our intention, our placebo, our mind to make us feel confident. So that we can be our good, better and best self.

Here are a few steps you can start:

  1. Make a collection of your positive peak moments
  2. When you feel the little monkey in your belly drumming up and down, find a quite place and take a few deep breath
  3. Create your placebo
  4. Use your placebo freely when you need it

What are the real skills that serve you life time?

We interview two most promising candidates for one important position for the company.

The two candidates have stellar resume, great interviews (three rounds after initial screening interview). They both are in their early forty, full of energy and ambition.

The executive interview committee members come together to vote for The One after the last round of interview. Strangely, contrary to previous Interview results, this vote is tilted to candidate B.

The reason?

Most committed members feel certain uncertainty about candidate A, but hard to put a finger on the exact reason.

I would call this as instinct, a haunch, or a doubt, or may lack of some trust.

As matter of fact, we all have similar experience under different circumstances. We know some people have excellent education, but hard to connect, difficult to work with. These people, we say, lack of “soft skills”.

Soft skills we refer here include personality traits, such as

  • resilience,
  • generosity,
  • honesty,
  • open minded,
  • empathy,
  • sympathy,
  • grit,
  • kindness,
  • communication skills,
  • Emotional maturity…
  • etc.

As a matter of fact, these so called soft skills are The Real Skills we all need to have a sustainable career, to have fulfilled and happy life.

Employees without these real skills, a company will not operate healthily for long. And employees will not be very happy working there.

These real skills are difficulty to measure, to quantify. Therefore, it’s difficulty for companies to use them as hiring criteria.

Knowing there are so many self helping books regarding the development of these skills, more and more coaches come to help people discover their real skills, I feel the time for mastering the real skills is coming.

To develop these real skills is hard. It is scary. It needs a lot of work.

We will get to face:

  • our fear of imposter
  • Fear of imperfect
  • Fear of not good enough
  • Fear of rejection
  • Fear of failure…

Only when we take charge of fear, we can take a moment to see things from other’s shoes. We can bounce back to our life to do things we get to do. We can grow our muscles stronger. Then we can develop our real skills further.

Educations are necessary for us to learn.

The real skills can get us to a more productive, happier and long lasting route.

Confidence is a choice

One of my friends Ying, who is a coach now, has made seven transitions in her career. She was a consultant, a finical analyst, a startup entrepreneur, a business partner, a freelancer, a general manager. In 2018, she chose to become an executive coach.

When people asked her, were you scared to switch from one industry to another industry? Why you are so confident to move from one career to another?

Ying said, “I look back. What I see is someone pursuing her passion, following her heart, finding meanings in her life. She makes choices that give her energy, give her meaning and get her out of the bed everyday.”

Does this mean Ying’s life has been smooth? It is nothing like that.

Ying has many sleepless nights. And those nights also gave her many rewards to learn, to experience and to grow.

All those years of life experience has made who she is today.

Ying had times when she was intimidated by unknown, by the exposure of her vulnerabilities.

How did she handle these down times?

Ying told me during those periods that she bites her teeth tightly and asked herself to make one small step or one thing each day to make herself feel good about herself. She limited her thinking to make a small progress each day and focused on small wins each day. Surprisingly after a few days she saw improvement.

These began her cycles of upward spiral structural psychology. Whenever she has the churning stomach feeling, she asks herself quietly to go back to the spiral structure. And this has been her secret weapon and source of her confidence.

Confidence is an option we can choose to have.

Confidence is to face our vulnerability, admit, learn from others and move forward.

We are born with confidence. Confidence is us. Confidence is our potential. We have unlimited confidence in us. It’s matter of choice for us to be confident.

In the middle of the road

When you are in the middle of your long march, or long run, what is going on in your mind?

When you are in the middle of your challenge and tough project, how do you feel?

When you start your New Year’s plans many times, what is happening with you in the middle of the year?

We all feel the struggles, the tough challenges we face in the middle of our destinations. The middle road is the period that tests our endurance and grit.

I remember my grandma told me that donkeys are bland-folded when they are milling rice or wheat to prevent them distracted and to increase their focus working.

Sometimes, we need “blindfold” ourselves not to be distracted by social network etc. This is especially important when we are in the middle of the road.

We need focus.

We need endurance.

We need hanging on there a little bit more, a little bit more…

Do you remember that when you workout hard in the gym, your muscles are aching, you are sweating, you body is shaking…

Then you come back to the gym again, again, day after day.

Days turn into months, then years.

You get a good body, a good health and good spirit.

If you have stopped after three days, you will not make a big change to your body, mind and your spirit for long run.

Your reputation creates your habits. Your habits create You over time.

When you have a goal in mind. It calls your determination. It calls your tough mindset. The most important thing is that it calls you to create your New habits.

To create your New habits, you need have a new imagine in mind. And then work towards to the imagine until you become it.

You are I the middle of the road, look the imagine you have had in mind, walk towards it without distraction, one step at a time, one day a time, 1% better a time, you will get through it.

set yourself free

When people say you are not qualified doing what you are doing, which is what you love to do, what would be you reaction?

Do you wonder if you have done things right? Do you doubt about what you do?

I had those moments of doubting and worrying. It felt awful. I felt not myself. I could not direct me to focus on other more important things for a while.

Then,

Some one said to me: “your life’s quality is decided by your courage, not by your fear.” We only have one life, live it without regret, live it fully.

I took one step to live for myself by redirecting to the question to myself: is this what I want?

By asking this question, I can feel my body’s reaction. If it feels free, feels specious, feels growing, then I will go for it. And it sets me free, I am a happy person.

Believe in yourself.

Set yourself free.

Live your happy life.

Simply being

Some days you need simply find a place and being there to observe yourself and listen to yourself.

You can close your eyes, like doing a meditation, find a comfortable place sit down for just five minutes.

Observe what comes to your mind, your emotion, how does you body feel, what do you hear…

Let everything come and go the way they like, naturally, don’t fight with them.

Notice any sensations come from your body and feel them, not press them.

Simply being there for yourself.

Simply being is a way to recharge and relax yourself. Do it when you feel like.

Experiments for living truly

Baby cries when she needs something.

Kids ignore their parents’s shouting for dinners when they are absorbed in playing.

Teens hangout with other teens, but not their parents.

They live truly.

For us, the adults. We can experimenting live truly…

Live truly is to live through the highs and lows in life. They are the same…. they are not the measurement of our success.

Live truly tries to Don’t accept NO for an answer.

live truly, you also can treat great success and terrific failure the same way. You are who you are. We pursue our goals through success or failure. They do not change who you are.

Live truly… experimenting… explore

The resistance for taking off

Planes always take off against the wind. It is the resistance that planes need for taking off from the ground and climb into the sky.

If you want to make a change, want to do something different, want to learn a new skill, you need to go against the resistance – lazy, pain, self doubt, uncomfortableness, vulnerability.

Only when you head on with your resistance, you will make progress, gain new experience, know how far you can fly.

Resistance is an indicator that you are on the right track to develop yourself further. Know your resistance, go against it to take off.