Know yourself

Know yourself is the first key step to become more effective, more mature, and gain more emotional and social intelligence.

To know yourself, you can try the two areas first:

Learn and know your inclination and propensity of doing things. Notice those things you can do without “too much effort”, those things that seem coming to you naturally. These are likely your borne talent, strength.

Loosen and stretch your mind muscle. Your mind is made of muscle. To grow your mind grow, you need soften and loosen it. In reality, you do not need to form any judgement quickly. Take your time and consider a wide range of possibilities before forming a judgement.

I have noticed that I form my opinion quickly very often. Study has shown that many of us do this all the time to seek for internal safety. This is also called negative capability, which means we are all capable to do this.

This negative capability is actually an advantage for our development. Be aware of your negative capability when it happens, observe it, and it can open other possibility – for us. It provide us the opportunity to consider other wide range of possibilities.

Practice your mind for reflection, observation, and reflection, think, re-think what happens to you.

This can make your mind flow, become more fluid, and prepare your mind for all possibility.

You know this: Chance only favors the prepared minds.

Know yourself first is to know others better.

What is your story today?

When you went through a difficult time, encountered frustrations, did you notice what’s going on with your thinking? Did you tell yourself a story? Did you make some statement, assertions, which you were not sure they were true or false?

I caught myself telling me that how others were wrong, how I was misunderstood, how was unfair for me…

when I came to my sense, I realized that many of the thinking was my assumption, biased views, out of self-pity and self-insecurity.

My story was not helpful.

It did not help me to get over the unpleasant situations. It did not empower me to find a solution for the situation. It did not activate me to see the situation from other angles.

Therefore, next time something bad happens, don’t dwell on how unfair it feels. Or unjust. Or poorly-timed. Don’t dwell on what you’ve lost.

You can’t control what happened.

However, you can tell yourself a different story. And you can control how you respond.

You can do this by noticing the moment of self story telling, and pay attention what kind of story you are telling yourself.

Make sure you are telling yourself a useful story that can energize you, can open your mind and set you free.

Put your energy into controlling how the story you someday tell yourself. And watch how the story turns out.

Focus on contribution

Whoever is working, no matter for herself or for somebody else or for an organization, she has to contribute her share of responsibility. This is the way showing your presence and your value.

Focus on contribution is the way for anyone to grow, to discover her potential, to have her impact in her cycle, community, society.

Focus on contribution is an essential element for any top management, any executive, any business owner, anyone self-employed.

Focus on contribution means you take responsibility for results. It means that you are accountable for the performance.

Anyone focusing on contribution has a growth mind.

Anyone who does not ask herself, “What can I contribute?” are not only likely to aim too low, she is likely to aim at the wrong things.

Commitment to contribution is the commitment to responsible effectiveness.

You can ask yourself from time to time, “What can I and no one else do which, if done really well, would make a real difference to this situation or office or company?”

This will change the way how can you approach the situation, office, or company. You focus on contribution. You will become more effective.

Take a back seat

Sometimes taking a back seat is showing your leadership.

In this case, you fully trust the driver, because you give your permission to let the driver leading the road. And you give your safety to the driver’s hand.

You give your permission to allow the driver making mistakes on the way as well. In an another way, you give your leadership to the driver.

A leader is someone to create leaders.

Taking a back seat is supportive and brave.

A leader

You are a leader. I am a leader. We are all leaders one way or another.

A leader is someone brave, ploughing ahead with sweats and blood facing challenges.

A leader is someone tough, stoic and resilient, gets up and keeps going after falling down and failures.

A leader is someone vulnerable, not hiding her struggles and hurts.

A leader is someone sympathetic, opening her hands and hearts to accept others.

A leader is someone listening and watching others quietly, being there for them when need.

A leader is not someone who creates followers. A leader is someone who creates more leaders.

Leading is an act of generosity.

Leading is an act of kind.

Leading is an act for personal mastery.

Persuasive words and phrases

We live in an interactive world, and connect with people.

We need to influence others, persuade people every day, vice versa.

Certain words and phrases are powerful when you want to persuade people. And some words and phrases are effective when you refuse other’s persuasion or request.

Such as, the following Words and Phrases can be persuasive:

Because
Would you mind . . .

I have a rule . . .

I just wanted to clarify . . .

Is there anything you can do for me?

Thank you.

This is just between you and me.

The following words and phrases can be powerful to say No:

I don’t do that.
I have a rule…
Thank you.
I am not interested.

What is your phrase to push you forward?

I use the word “to produce” for my daily reminder to do something useful, because my personal value is to be a useful person.

When I think of “producing” something useful, it inspires me to initiate my action and the action gets me closer to my dreams. “Producing” has been my phrase of action and inspiration.

This weekend, Simone Biles made history at the 2019 US gymnastics Championships. She said during an interview, “I feel like you should never settle just because you are winning or you are at the top. You should always push yourself.”

“Never Settle”.

Biles revealed her internal drive and altitude that makes her a champion by this phrase.

She competes against the greatest competitor – herself.

Don’t ever compete against someone else. You are your number competitor in your life.

What is your phrase to bring you up from the bed every day?

The ultimate goal in your life

What is the ultimate goal in your life?

I remember a story goes like this: a young man saw a fisherman lying on a beach enjoying sunshine. He came over said to the fisherman: “Why don’t you go fishing? Now it’s the season. You can make a lot of money.”

“What do you make lots of money for?” The fisherman asked.

“I make a lot of money so that I can retire early to enjoy my life.” The young man said.

“I am enjoying my life already. Why do I need to make more money?” The fisherman answered.

Pause a second here. Think what the fisherman said.

It can reasonably say that the ultimate goal in life is to maximize your total lifetime experience of happiness, to enjoy life.

To enjoy life, you get to take care of yourself first. You also get to treat others well in order to enjoy life, because you live in a community, a society.

A happiness formula may include:

Eat right

Exercise

Get good sleep

Have unfailing dreams

Pursue your freedom

Always learn something new

Simplify your life
Help others whenever you can

When you are happy, you make people around you happy. When people around you happy, they sustain your happiness. This is the cycle of life.

Happiness can be contagious. It’s the ultimate goal in life.

Affirmations

What are affirmations?

According to online definition: “Affirmations related to your diet and lifestyle will help in changing you habitual patterns and thinking.”

How do affirmations work?

When you want something badly, you need to remind and tell yourself constantly, say, several times a day if that helps.

Years ago, I was getting my professional coaching skills certified. And I was asked what did I want to do with my coaching certification. I searched in my heart and was sure that I wanted to use my coaching skills together with my technical background to serve people. This affirmation kept coming back to me during that period.

Within a year of completion of my certification, I was offered a position matching my affirmation.

Scott Adams used affirmations when he wanted something happen whole heartily. And things did happen the ways he did affirmations every time.

Affirmations may bring you:

Clarity on what you want for the time being
Focus on what you do for the same time being
Energy to do what you want
Realizing your affirmation: achieving your goals, or dreams

When you make your affirmations, be clear on what you want. Let your energy flow with what you want. Do this whole heartily. Be persistent, and you will get what you want.

Life happens

Both my parents were hospitalized for the last two weeks. I was in the middle of preparing some meetings when I heard the news. I cancelled my engagements and went to stay with them in the hospital till they were checked out of the hospital.

I had been calling them once a week and exchanging messages a few times a week before this incident.

I learned from the last two weeks that they need more conversations, that make them feel loved, understood, and connected.

I realize that taking time off to take care of people in your life may sound selfish, you may feel guilty for not doing your job. However, without taking care of ourself, people in our life first, we can’t take good care of what we do.

We live life once.

“Life is what happens to you while you are busy making other plans.” – John Lennon.

We get to live fully and truly to ourself, live in present, embrace whatever happens to us.