Your choice: which to keep, which to stop

To be better, to do better and to be success all need you to make a tough choice: which one is to keep, which one is to stop.

Oprah Winfrey said, “One of the hardest things in life to learn is which bridges to cross and which bridges to burn.”

To be better, you need to learn new things and new skills, grow new muscles, find new trails.

Therefore, you need abandon old habits, say NO to certain things, give up for things do not work for you: give up a project, give up a relationship, give up a friend…

To do better, it requires you to keep growing your courage to fight imposter syndrome, to be brave, to implement your action plan and be diligent.

Therefore, stop blaming yourself, stop complaining, focus on your process and enjoy it.

To be success, it requires you to be clear on what you will keep and what you will stop doing.

Therefore, do a regular reflection and check those “keeps” and “stops”.

Rome is not built on one day. It’s your choice to get it built the way you want.

Sense of well-being

How often do you feel fulfilled and happy?

Is it possible to have a long lasting well-being?

Spiritual practitioners have found that it is possible to be at ease with society, in the world for no reason. However, it needs deliberated effort to cross the self limited boundary to get there.

This is a very good news for us, the ordinary people.

It means we have capability to be aware of the moment that we can allow us, direct us, persuade ourselves to explore a better mentality. We just need constant practice.

We control our own worthiness.

We control our sense of well-being, even though it may come a few moments at a time.

The other one

She could not move her eyes off the nearby colleagues in the office, especially the one sitting right across a walkway from her, lady D.

She determined that lady D was her biggest competition. Because of lady D, she did not get promoted, and did not get the big bonus she thought she could get.

She got upset when their boss gave a new project to lady D, not to her. She felt her whole day got ruined because of lady D could argue with their boss and dared say No to certain assignments.

“How dare she? I even can’t beg for an assignment.” She thought.

She could not stand the way lady D talked to their boss. She recorded the time lady D came to the office secretly and got mad when lady D left early and came late.

She thought this is unfair.

One day, lady D left the office for good. She moved to another city with her husband.

Suddenly, she felt empty and hungry, something was missing.

After a while, she realized there were holes in her life.

“Who am I? What do I want? What makes me happy?”

She began her soul searching and self-discovery journey.

After two years of coaching, learning, self reflection, She has realized that her competition in life is not the other one, not lady D.

Her competition is herself.

Her biggest competition is herself.

Her future competition is herself as well.

Integrity and character

This boy was smart.

He was more clever than the kids in his village, as all the old villagers said. He believed that too and was proud of himself for that.

He got bored from time to time, as there was not much to play in the village.

One day, he shouted that a wolf came to the village. All villagers came out to kill the wolf. But there was no wolf.

He liked the attention he got from this fun play.

He played this game again one day. Villagers came out to kill the wolf. There was no wolf. So they went home.

The boy was played outside of his yard one late evening. He saw a wolf walked towards him. He shorted, cried for help.

But no villagers came.

You can fool people once, twice, but not three times.

Erne a trust takes a while. Destroy a trust takes one second. Maintain a trust needs life time practice.

Integrity and character are not associated with one’s smartness and success. However, without integrity and character it negates everything.

A shortcut

The sales guy approached the financial controller to sign off the balance sheet, so that he can take out a product pulled out of market for free to a customer.

He wants to do it this way by not telling his marketing manager, not obeying the rules of the wearhouse bookkeeping. In a word, he wants get it done under the radar of his boss and the company’s policy, send the product to the customer quickly, hassle free.

He thinks if he tells his boss, it will cost his emotional labor to explain, to justify, to persuade, to make change of the system… too much work!

Therefore, he chooses a shortcut, for sake of the company’s development – to keep a customer happy.

However, he did not think the potential cost to the company. What if the customer tells others about how he got the product? What if the product pulled off the market for a reason that it could be potentially not good to consumers? What might be the cost to the company’s reputation if the product has defect?

A shortcut is costly.

You can take a shortcut on the basis that you have the intelligence and wisdom and good estimation.

Taking a shortcut is based on high investment.

When you open your hands…

When I opened my hand to a stranger first time, I felt uncertain – will she open her hand to me as well? What if she refuses my handshake? What would other people think of me?

I felt vulnerable.

However, people also open their hands to me when I open mine.

It’s a brave action to open your hand first.

You are brave to bring yourself up to the front first.

Exposing your vulnerability is a brave action.

We grow from our vulnerability, becoming stronger and more connected.

Crack

We fill cracks on the floor, on the road, in a wall.

We fill cracks and holes in our hearts with all sorts of desires and stories. We are panic when we leave the crack open without putting anything in immediately. We can’t handle the exposure of our vulnerability easily.

It takes courage to see our vulnerability, to experience the pain.

However,

“There is a crack in everything, that’s how the light gets in.” By Leonard Cohen

When you open your vulnerability, you will receive new energy. A new birth will take place.

What are you searching?

You made New Year’s resolutions. You have planned your goals for the next 3, 6, 12 months, or even next 3 to 5 years.

Then during your journey pursuing your goals, you change and modify them. You abandon some goals, pick up new initiatives.

You want to make a lot of money and follow those successful “get rich schemes” training courses to find your happiness. You find these are not totally what you look for. You feel that you need to learn so much before you can have confidence to get where you want to go… you really get frustrated on many spins you’ve entered…

And you are not alone.

Most of us spend our time seeking happiness and security without realizing the underlying purpose of our search.

“Each of us is looking for a path back to the present: We are trying to find good enough reasons to be satisfied now.” – Sam Harris

What are you search?

What do you want now from the bottom of your heart?

When you begin to pay attention to the present moment: what do you feel? why do you feel the way you feel?

Then you start to raise your awareness about the quality of your life.

A new trip

You get excited before a new trip.

You get worried about the new trip

You get overworked preparing for the new trip.

You get anxious before the new trip.

You also get comrades going with you. This changes everything how you feel about the trip.

Now you get people understand you, your worried, and your ambitions.

Take a trip less traveled with like minded people makes things much bearable during tough times. It makes a trip much more excited and encouraging at the same time. And the best of all, you will finish the trip.

Find your comrades before a new trip can make a difference.

Be a good listener

To connect with people or to have influence to others need you to be a good listener.

Being a good listener means you have your full attention on the person speaking to you. You have curiosity to ask her questions to find more about her and her doing.

When you become a good listener, you understand people better. Being understood is one of our native needs – that is to get accepted and to get recognized and to be seen.

What do you feel if you are accepted, recognized and been seen?

I would open my heart to the people understood me. I will feel happy to see the person. I will feel closer to the person. And naturally, what ever the person says will make a good impression on me. She will impact me somewhat.

That’s how influence works.

Being a good listener is to be an influencer.