Go with the wind

We face many things a day.

We have to make over 60,000decisions daily.

If only we are clear what the top a few decisions for us, we can live a more peaceful and joyful life.

Among the top decisions, those flow with the wind require less energy and give us relative competitive advantages.

Pick those decisions, flow with the wind.

You have better chance to be able to accomplish those goals, better chance to be successful.

The tricky part is to know the direction of the wind – know your environment, know your context, know the culture may affect your decision.

Then, go with the wind.

Let it go

I have had two busy weeks, while still taking an online course.

The course is for four weeks. Obviously I could not complete all assignments from the course due to my work engagements.

I am getting anxious…

Then I noticed the moment I felt the pressure from the course, I had back aching. My body has started to send warning and tell me slowing down.

Yes, I know the signal from my back aching already. My body is smart. I need to do something about this warning sign.

What would be the worst if I could not finish my assignments from this course? How much I have learned from the course by far? If I rush to do the assignment for the sake of completion, would it be good for my learning?

What would be my ultimate goal of learning? Can I keep my learning after the course’s ending?

Which is more important? Is My happiness or to please the course? Who is the course after all? …

I choose to please my body.

This has made the difference. I am a better person to the people around me. I am a better person today than who I was yesterday. I am living my life.

Test of being on hold…

Doctors told us that my dad’s surgery were Wednesday afternoon.

My dad was prepared for the surgery by nurses. He also prepared himself ready for Wednesday afternoon. So all of us, the family members, were also here for his operation.

We thought 2pm was the reasonable time for my dad to be called for the surgery. Because we learned it would last for two to three hours, 2pm seemed a proper assumption.

2pm arrived, and past.

4pm came, and past…

My dad became anxious. We became a little bit worried about him. We were told the operation would be still on.

6pm came, and past.

8pm came, and past…

My dad was called in just after 9pm…

It was a test for everyone when my dad’s operation was on hold for nine hours. It tested our patience, it tested our will, it tested our agility and sympathy.

There are many cases in life putting us on hold. Each case is a test and an opportunity for us to know ourselves, to learn more from the experience, to break free from the boundaries we often set up for ourselves.

Why I feel like an imposter?

I feel that I am plagued by feeling like an imposter very often.

I feel that I am out of place, I am not good enough, I did not do enough…

I feel so bad about myself that when people tell me that how wonderful, how incredible, how good I am, I do not believe any of these. I thought they are trying to make happier.

Then, I hear again, again, and agin compliments from others.

“May be I am good for what they tell me?” One day I talk to myself. “May be I am truly not that inadequate after all?”

Then more, I caught my self talks – “the out of place”, “not good enough”, and “did not do enough” are all what I feel from others. Where is ME in this self criticizing dialogues?

Obviously I was living for others, not for myself during those moments.

When I started to live for myself, I felt the serenity and the imposter was hiding some where.

Start to live for my true self is the way for me to put my imposter in check.

That is it.

Raw and vulnerable

When a colleague challenged me after I made a statement, I felt uncertain, a little bit panic… also I felt left shoulder and back heavy and aching. I could not focus on doing anything else for hours.

One day, another colleague reporting to me sent an email to me and many others. I felt my heart beat faster, somewhat panic… then shoulder and back aching. It took me a while to figure out why he sent such an email without talking or informing me first.

Then something similar happened and I noticed my immediate heaviness on my shoulder and back.

What is going on with me?

Why I was so uncertain and uneasy?

Am I intimidated by the challenge to my authority and expertise?

That is right.

I could not face my lacking knowledge, because my personal identity is smart and knowledgeable.

I could not embrace others to challenge my opinion, what if I was wrong? I considered myself is an expert somewhat in the area. I did not want to loose face.

I have severe imposter syndrome!

Therefore, I suffer from the syndrome. My shoulder and back pain have lasted for nine months.

One day, I decided to make a change.

I take three small steps a day: one is to listen to different opinions without rejections, especially those ones do not agree with mine; second I admit my ignorance once a day if new thing shows up; the last one is to keep my focus on the most important items of the day and let others go.

I was sweating, red faced when I started the baby steps first day. No one seemed noticed. I was relived.

I repeated this, again, again…

One day, I realize that I can do this naturally.

My raw vulnerability keeps me going through tough times. I become more courageous. I gain more connections, more trust.

Do I still have imposter syndrome? Of course. The good thing is that I can recognize it now. I am battling with it, it may be a long way before I can say my final goodbyes. However, it’s a road worth of taking.

To become raw and vulnerable is hard, a torture. It also let me reborn and courageous.

Live fast…

My dad is in his eighties, now in a hospital for a surgery. I am with him.

My dad has one roommate, who is a man just turned to 50. He is hospitalized due to heart failure.

Then I learned this roommate is a business owner, running a successful business. He admires my dad as a cheerful, happy man and wishes he could be like my dad…

This comes to my mind.

Do not: Live fast, die young.

To choose live happily, truly, fully is a choice to make.

Live life

I am busy with my company matters.

Then I got the news yesterday that my dad will have a heart surgery tomorrow. He insists in saying it will be a small operation that I don’t need to take time off to see him in the hospital. He has two helpers with him and mom.

I had hesitation on making the decision whether coming to see him or not. What came to my mind were tightly scheduled meetings, reading, writing for this week. One colleague heard this, he said to me, “Go back to see your dad. Family is more important.”

This goes straight into my heart.

Live life.

Life happens while I am busy making other plans.

Life takes priority over everything. No life, nothing happens.

I came to be with my dad and my mom. I felt the immediate peace once I made the decision to do so.

I need re-examine my life from time to time. Just like someone says:

An unexamined life is not worth of living.

Overeating

You love seafoods. You are invited to have “all you can eat” seafood buffet. You are super happy to have the opportunity.

You eat, eat, and over ate.

At last, you no longer have appetite to the seafoods you’ve loved so much.

Over nutrition, or overeat can cause indigestion and lose appetite.

When this principle applies to learning, we need to learn with the right pace and right amount of knowledge.

Slow may be fast for me.

Less may be more for me.

Fast and more may be for you.

To feed the right amount of food, information, knowledge is a skill. And this skill can be tested and learned.

Car parking

I live in a big city in China. There are cars everywhere.

Sometimes cars park behind or in the front of a parking lot in my community. They make the cars in the parking lot impossible to get out. If your car is among the parked cars, you have three options in the situation:

Call the driver to move his car if he leaves a phone number on his dashboard.
Call the office to report the car parking “illegally”.
Wait for unknowing time for the driver coming back to move his car.

If you are going to work, meeting others, or shopping by car, you can see that only the first option can possibly solve your problem quickly.

It is the driver’s consideration makes the difference. Leaving a contact phone number is a kind consideration for inconvenience. And it is not difficult to do. It shows your humility.

We need more kind, considerate people to live a more civilized community.

One’s edge

I learned from a girlfriend of mine that she came back from a team building day. One of her male colleagues surprised many people by acting as a car sales girl wearing bikini top.

The context is that her company is situated in a secondary city in China. She like many of her colleagues think this male fellow is a quiet, shy, introverted person.

There are other occasions that are beyond our expectation, especially about other people’s dos and don’ts.

What are the possible reasons for these?

We are biased? People are capable more than we expected? We have mentally set up boarders, limitations for others?

These are all possible.

We do not know our limitations, edges till we face challenges.

One’s edge can be extended facing difficulties, challenges.

Every challenge we conquered expand our comfortable zone. Therefore, we create new edge.

Until next circle of challenge we may live in our comfortable zone.

If you break your edge constantly, grow your space, you will have more break free area.

Live on edge.