Raw and vulnerable

When a colleague challenged me after I made a statement, I felt uncertain, a little bit panic… also I felt left shoulder and back heavy and aching. I could not focus on doing anything else for hours.

One day, another colleague reporting to me sent an email to me and many others. I felt my heart beat faster, somewhat panic… then shoulder and back aching. It took me a while to figure out why he sent such an email without talking or informing me first.

Then something similar happened and I noticed my immediate heaviness on my shoulder and back.

What is going on with me?

Why I was so uncertain and uneasy?

Am I intimidated by the challenge to my authority and expertise?

That is right.

I could not face my lacking knowledge, because my personal identity is smart and knowledgeable.

I could not embrace others to challenge my opinion, what if I was wrong? I considered myself is an expert somewhat in the area. I did not want to loose face.

I have severe imposter syndrome!

Therefore, I suffer from the syndrome. My shoulder and back pain have lasted for nine months.

One day, I decided to make a change.

I take three small steps a day: one is to listen to different opinions without rejections, especially those ones do not agree with mine; second I admit my ignorance once a day if new thing shows up; the last one is to keep my focus on the most important items of the day and let others go.

I was sweating, red faced when I started the baby steps first day. No one seemed noticed. I was relived.

I repeated this, again, again…

One day, I realize that I can do this naturally.

My raw vulnerability keeps me going through tough times. I become more courageous. I gain more connections, more trust.

Do I still have imposter syndrome? Of course. The good thing is that I can recognize it now. I am battling with it, it may be a long way before I can say my final goodbyes. However, it’s a road worth of taking.

To become raw and vulnerable is hard, a torture. It also let me reborn and courageous.

Live fast…

My dad is in his eighties, now in a hospital for a surgery. I am with him.

My dad has one roommate, who is a man just turned to 50. He is hospitalized due to heart failure.

Then I learned this roommate is a business owner, running a successful business. He admires my dad as a cheerful, happy man and wishes he could be like my dad…

This comes to my mind.

Do not: Live fast, die young.

To choose live happily, truly, fully is a choice to make.

Live life

I am busy with my company matters.

Then I got the news yesterday that my dad will have a heart surgery tomorrow. He insists in saying it will be a small operation that I don’t need to take time off to see him in the hospital. He has two helpers with him and mom.

I had hesitation on making the decision whether coming to see him or not. What came to my mind were tightly scheduled meetings, reading, writing for this week. One colleague heard this, he said to me, “Go back to see your dad. Family is more important.”

This goes straight into my heart.

Live life.

Life happens while I am busy making other plans.

Life takes priority over everything. No life, nothing happens.

I came to be with my dad and my mom. I felt the immediate peace once I made the decision to do so.

I need re-examine my life from time to time. Just like someone says:

An unexamined life is not worth of living.

Overeating

You love seafoods. You are invited to have “all you can eat” seafood buffet. You are super happy to have the opportunity.

You eat, eat, and over ate.

At last, you no longer have appetite to the seafoods you’ve loved so much.

Over nutrition, or overeat can cause indigestion and lose appetite.

When this principle applies to learning, we need to learn with the right pace and right amount of knowledge.

Slow may be fast for me.

Less may be more for me.

Fast and more may be for you.

To feed the right amount of food, information, knowledge is a skill. And this skill can be tested and learned.

Car parking

I live in a big city in China. There are cars everywhere.

Sometimes cars park behind or in the front of a parking lot in my community. They make the cars in the parking lot impossible to get out. If your car is among the parked cars, you have three options in the situation:

Call the driver to move his car if he leaves a phone number on his dashboard.
Call the office to report the car parking “illegally”.
Wait for unknowing time for the driver coming back to move his car.

If you are going to work, meeting others, or shopping by car, you can see that only the first option can possibly solve your problem quickly.

It is the driver’s consideration makes the difference. Leaving a contact phone number is a kind consideration for inconvenience. And it is not difficult to do. It shows your humility.

We need more kind, considerate people to live a more civilized community.

One’s edge

I learned from a girlfriend of mine that she came back from a team building day. One of her male colleagues surprised many people by acting as a car sales girl wearing bikini top.

The context is that her company is situated in a secondary city in China. She like many of her colleagues think this male fellow is a quiet, shy, introverted person.

There are other occasions that are beyond our expectation, especially about other people’s dos and don’ts.

What are the possible reasons for these?

We are biased? People are capable more than we expected? We have mentally set up boarders, limitations for others?

These are all possible.

We do not know our limitations, edges till we face challenges.

One’s edge can be extended facing difficulties, challenges.

Every challenge we conquered expand our comfortable zone. Therefore, we create new edge.

Until next circle of challenge we may live in our comfortable zone.

If you break your edge constantly, grow your space, you will have more break free area.

Live on edge.

Thinking makes all the difference

I gave a presentation to an international group today.

I felt terrible after the presentation. Because I prepared in English and I realized I needed to give it in Chinese.

I was struggling in find the suitable Chinese phrases during my talk and felt I was not best of myself…

When the event was over, we had business matchmaking session. I found people talking to me with curiosity and respect. I did not find any trace of blaming me not doing a good job for my presentation. I actually had great time to making connections with attendees.

What a relieve!

This sounds familiar?

There is no things so bad or so wrong in our lives. It is the thinking makes so.

Growing is painful

The best memory very often is the one we had setback, difficulty, failure, or hurt.

And it is also during these periods that we grow in a hurry – when you look back in a ten years of time.

I invited an old friend to give a presentation about his research to my teams. He not only gave us his research, but also his philosophy on how to live your best life.

He said that money is not the most important thing in one’s life. It’s the freedom to do what you love to do and a good health you have. He got this conclusion after his ten years of struggle and learning.

We sometimes go a long way to move forward for a short distance. However, that the price we need to pay. That is the pain we need to experience.

Growing is painful, yet it is a journey no one can replace for you. And the reward is huge.

Recovery of your elasticity

The shelf life of an elastic band can be extended if you let it bounced back to its original shape, and relaxed.

If you want to make your career sustainable, you need make time for self recovery. Such as, take a vocation, a nap, a walk, or watch a movie, read a book… whatever that suits your style.

Only when you intentionally make self balance a priority, you can recover your elasticity quicker, you will have more moments of happiness, you will be more energetic.

Be aware of the time for self recovery. The last resort is that you have to rest because of illness.

Find the best way for your recovery early is a skill. You can get skillful quickly be practicing it.

Recovery of your elasticity, recovery of your longevity of happiness.

No super you

You have a Ph.D degree. You have a MBA degree.

Obviously, you have mastered more knowledge in many ways. You may be assigned to an important position: profession, director. You are the boss to many people.

You give directions, you help other’s to do better at work. You may boss around others.

However,

You are only as good as your team.

You are not a super person to do everything, to be everything. You success are depending on your team’s success.

Build up a better team, this is where you need to put your energy and effort on.