Recognization is the first step going to confidence

My hands are shaking. My palms are wet. I am standing on a stage to start my first public speech in a club.

My brain is blank. What I have prepared last night is no where to be found…

I am frozen.

Time passes by. It feels like hours long.

No one laughs at me. No one makes fun at me. They look at me with smiles, expectations and encouragement,

One begins to applaud. Another one joins in. Then another, another one…

Everyone is applauding now.

I feel warm, safe, loosed up, my body circulation backs on. I an mot frozen any more.

I begin to speak.

I don’t know what I have said any more. But the whole experience has stacked with me forever.

I recognize that with a safe environment I can regain my confidence. If this happens to me once, it can happen to me again. My experience can be repeated.

We learn knowledge from schools with hope that we can recognize the situations where we can use it (repeat the knowledge) someday.

The purpose of the education is to prepare us to gain cognitive experience other people have for our future benefits. So that we can recognize them for our gains in life and career. Therefore, we may be able to repeat the success others have.

This principle applies to you is to gain your recognition when you have a life experience where you are scared, feel defeated, feel on the peak your life and career, and remember those moments.

When you are not confident facing a situation, reflect one of your past experience that you think you can “repeat” in a way giving enough energy to move forward.

Confidence is an experience.

You can be confident anytime if you can recognize your situation and choose to move on anyway.

Confidence is a choice.

Confidence is a working progress.

Confidence is a practice.

You can be confidence if you have done it once in your life.

Suggestion for you:

1. prepare your precognition by reflection your life experience and knowledge.

2. When you feel not confident, take a deep breath and moment to find your precognition, repeat what you have prepared.

3. Take an action forward

The more courageous you are, the longer you can go

I have some successful friends. Quite a number of them have changed their career a few times, say five to seven times.

When I asked them what have made them to switch from one industry to another industry, or one field to another field, their answers including: freedom, intuition, following my heart…

None of them has mentioned that courage is the one that leads them to their success.

However, for every step of their way, for each career change during their journey, the courage is all over place.

  • They are brave to take a less travelled road – most of them have studied or worked overseas, not even thinking of the language and cultural challenges during this journey.
  • They are brave to change to a new field to learn from others, to try new things and take initiatives, not even thinking of the challenges of integration with new team, new boss, new culture and new politics.
  • They are brave to change their identities for any new jobs they do. They don’t want the past to define who they are. They build their new characters, they keep growing , discover their potentials and express them physically and vocally.

I am grateful to know and have this kind of friends in my life. They enrich my life. They make my life feel meaningful

All successful people have one common trait – they are courageous.

The more courageous you are, the more experience you can gain, the closer you become to your goals, the longer you can go on the road of your career.

Your success and your long career can be measured by the degree of your courage.

So I will challenge you:

  • if you want to one courageous thing today, what could it be?
  • If you will go off your comfort zone, what will you do?

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Another area of courage is about decision making.

When you decide to do something, what makes you to do so? Did you hear you are telling yourself to do so because you want to it, or you should do it, or something else?

When your vulnerabilities are exposed to the public, how do you take your next step? Will you make your steps based on your will, your should, or your could?

Successful people do things by telling or feeling themselves to get to do, will do. When “should” comes up, they will sit down and analyze where the should comes from.

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In Summary:

Courage is a choice.

Successful people choose to be courageous.

Courageous means you get to meet all challenges and joy all the way. Courageous means that you make your own decisions and own them

The more courageous you are, the longer you can go on your career.

You do not need build up your confidence

To have confidence is a good feeling. To be confident you may need go through a tough journey and do some hard-work.

When I was recruited as an executive to a company I knew little, I took the chance. I remember that I was commented as an fit leader because I came from a different industry and I was not an expert for the industrial content matter not very long into my role.

I sure felt like my stomach punched at that time. I feel I had the moment of the emperor from the Emperor’s New Cloth. I was naked, totally exposed and vulnerable.

However, I also felt the relieve that I do not to pretend I knew everything. I can felt that my ego was run away hiding some where.

So I openly acknowledged that and asked their help to build a stronger company together. It took a while to build trust and bonding with my former colleagues. But the experience has strengthened my confidence through vulnerability.

To build up your confidence is actually a wrong statement.

Everyone has the confidence.

What keeps us from doing the things we want to do, we get to do, we love to do is our willingness to put us out there, to experience our vulnerable moments, to be human.

As human, we all make mistakes, do silly things from time to time. It is our sympathy towards to ourself set us free. We give ourself second, third, fourth… chance to do things right. We learn from our experience. This is how confidence is progressing.

Confidence is a journey you take.

Confidence is a choice you make.

You have confidence in you when you were born. It waits there for you to discover it and re-discover it all the time. Confidence is your life long companion.

When you open your hands…

When I opened my hand to a stranger first time, I felt uncertain – will she open her hand to me as well? What if she refuses my handshake? What would other people think of me?

I felt vulnerable.

However, people also open their hands to me when I open mine.

It’s a brave action to open your hand first.

You are brave to bring yourself up to the front first.

Exposing your vulnerability is a brave action.

We grow from our vulnerability, becoming stronger and more connected.

Crack

We fill cracks on the floor, on the road, in a wall.

We fill cracks and holes in our hearts with all sorts of desires and stories. We are panic when we leave the crack open without putting anything in immediately. We can’t handle the exposure of our vulnerability easily.

It takes courage to see our vulnerability, to experience the pain.

However,

“There is a crack in everything, that’s how the light gets in.” By Leonard Cohen

When you open your vulnerability, you will receive new energy. A new birth will take place.

Take a back seat

Sometimes taking a back seat is showing your leadership.

In this case, you fully trust the driver, because you give your permission to let the driver leading the road. And you give your safety to the driver’s hand.

You give your permission to allow the driver making mistakes on the way as well. In an another way, you give your leadership to the driver.

A leader is someone to create leaders.

Taking a back seat is supportive and brave.

The price for success

We want to do better, to be better, want to be successful.

We make goals, plans, draw our road maps, and figure out our passions.

But,

Do you really set our mind for success?

If you do, have started your step one? Step two? Step three? … how long do you prepare to go to be successful?

Deciding and wanting is the key option for you to be really successful or not.

If you decide to be successful, then you get to decide to do whatever it takes to get there.

Someone said: “If you want success, figure out the price, then pay it.

If you want be successfully losing 20 pounds, figure out how much sweats you need, then do it.

If you want to run your own business, figure out what skills you need and hard work you get to do, then learn and do these.

If you want to have your boss’ position, figure out what skills you need to replace her, then learn and practice them.

There is no shortcut, but real work.

Metamorphosis in leadership

Leadership means you initiate, lead, and do things that may be no one dares to start yet.

Leadership means you need to connect, earn trust, lead the way without a clear roadmap, and be fearless while knowing the fear in you.

Leadership means that you are agile, empathetic, and willing to be in the shadow while your team is in the spotlight…

A leadership needs metamorphosis.

When talking about leadership in a digital world, Charlene Li said:

This metamorphosis is not easy, comfort, or painless – if your palms are not sweat and your stomach is not churning, you probably haven’t really practicing digital leadership.”

This is also applicable to leadership in any situation.

Leadership with metamorphosis means:

  1. Having a proactive approach
  2. Moving on from things she can’t control
  3. Embracing everything coming to her way and making the best out of it
  4. Living her life
  5. Calculating risks
  6. No gossip
  7. Kindness

May you be healthy

I am in a hospital visiting relatives.

It’s not a good feeling when I see young, middle age, or seniors are suffering from their illness.

No matter what titles or roles you have: CEO, president, teacher, banker, athlete, handsome actor, beautiful actress, top salesman, prize winner… you may be sick. You may become vulnerable. You may loose your indignity in a hospital, no matter how strong you used to be. This is life.

You get to surrender to life, accept life.

Being in hospital it reminds me that we are all the same and want the same thing – be healthy and happy and being loved. Vanity and ego have no space in front of life and death choice. Then, why don’t we limit the role of vanity fairs and ego in our life? Why don’t we put more energy to the people we love, to the things we want to create, to the life we want to live fully?

Being in hospital it reminds me to appreciate our good health, appreciate we have our life, appreciate that we have good healthcare system to help us back to be healthy again.

This also reminds me that we get to call a stop from our busy schedule from time to time. No matter what happens, without life – health, you will not be able to accomplish much. During a stop, readjust your goal in life., reflect what you have been through.

I was asked a question long time ago: how do you rank career, health, fiancé? I have slight different order for the three during different stages of my life. However, be healthy never leaves from my top priorities. Health is the foundation.

May you be healthy.